I can feel myself sinking in, drowning myself with obsession. I care too much, and this is where I start to loose it. I think too much, and this is where I start to worry. I used to not be this way, I used to be able to not think of you, to not worry about you, to not care who you hung out with. Now, the exact opposite is all that ever happens.
The problem is, I love you.
I think the world of you.
I seem to be going through that phase in my relationship that I’ve experienced before, where I would completely overthink the hell out of my mind. The thing is, my boyfriend and I don’t live in the same city. We only get to really see each other a couple of days every few weeks, but when I leave for University, I won’t be seeing him for a year.
It’s difficult not being able to see a person as much as you want to. I mean.. there’s Skype but that’s not the same as being able to physically touch them and feel them next to you. To be able to see them when you want or need to. Distance apart means mostly basing your relationship on trust and faith.
Trusting each other, on what you will do, your daily decisions without each other.
Faith that your relationship will work, that both of you will conquer obstacles you face together, and faith in each other to do the right thing.
But this isn’t about that, this is about not giving into allowing your entire life to revolve around one person. We are not the Earth, and we do not solely orbit one thing; the Sun. Our lives have many components, and we cannot allow our entire gravitational force to be attracted to one being. We have friends, hobbies, work, school… things that we must occupy ourselves with.
We must remember that we had a life before our significant became involved, and we cannot give it away because of your relationship. It is not necessarily our boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s fault, but neither is it ours. It happens naturally over time when you spend more time with one person. And in order to mitigate the chances of being extremely overprotective, obsessive, possessive, and controlling [especially in a long distance relationship], all of which increases the chances of arguments and disagreements, then we must trust, have faith, and let ourselves not forget that we do have a life.
A life where we indulge ourselves in its gifts and opportunities. We have to realise that although we have someone who we love and care about deeply that is miles away from us, we do not let that stop us from being happy in where we are currently. Whether it be with friends, in the library, in your room, out in the city, we have a life to live. It will be difficult at times especially when you miss one another more than usual, but this is when it is vital to communicate efficiently and hold onto the knowledge that your significant other loves you and would not want to hurt you.
That is definitely one of the hardest things I have had to accept, to allow myself to fall in love with someone is a serious commitment (unless both of you do not make it one). I have trust issues, especially when it comes to dating, and especially when it comes to long distance relationships. However, at one point, you will figure out how much you exactly mean to them, your importance in their life, and if to them, you’re worth going through the ups and downs of a long distance relationship. And if you lay down everything in front of them and ask if they know what they’re going to go through and they say yes, that’s when you know to give the long distance a real shot.
As long as you keep enjoying life as well as a healthy relationship with your partner, then you can do it. And at the end if it does not work out as you planned, sooner or later, you’ll realise; everything happens for a reason.
In a post to come, I’ll tell you how my doubts and worries have extremely mitigated, how my boyfriend and I still physically saw each other every 3-5 months (despite living in Vancouver and him being in California). I owe it to him for his strength and faith in believing in us. I still think the world of him… and love him more than I did a year ago.